A brisk Sunday morning, 58 degrees with a slight breeze, the smell of autumn hangs in the air, there is not a cloud in the sky. You have been waiting for this day, this moment all week. No, all year. The savage clash of arch rivals doing battle to determine who among them will reign supreme, the result forever written in the pages of history. Legends will be made, dynasties will fall, and the results of years past will mean nothing during this one instant.
For years, this has been one of the most highly anticipated games each year and one of the most bitter of all sports rivalries. Michigan vs. Ohio State, Packers vs. Bears, Matthew Blinder vs. Adam Paberzs.
I speak of course of the annual clash of titans, duel of good and evil, the match up between Matthew Blinder and Adam Paberzs in fantasy football!
Each year the ongoing competition of one-on-one basketball, slime volleyball, and ax throwing contests reaches its zenith when these two forces converge to face off in the fantasy arena.
This being one of the most prolific events, not just in fantasy sports, but real sports, the United States, North America, and the world, I wanted to take some time to profile the competitors and relive the years past of this intense rivalry.
- Landscaping skills are second to none
- Can grow a full beard in two weeks flat
- Became the first in the epic one-on-one basketball matches between Matt and Adam to record a shutout against his bitter rival
- Can do 45 push ups without stopping
- Landscaping skills are second only to Matthew Blinder
- Can grow a semi-full beard in two weeks and maybe a an extra day or two
- Dspite being shutout in one-on-one basketball by Blinder, had the confidence to put his money where his mouth was and bet $50 that he could shut Blinder out in a game to 11. He did not and lost the bet. Had the confidence [hubris] to go double or nothing in a second game to 11. Lost again. Had the absence of ethics to pay the $100 even after shaking hands both times and losing.
- Probably cannot even do 15 pushups, even if he stops and rests
The below table shows each league for the past 6 years that Matt and Adam have competed in, their respective records and points in each league, and overall finishes across all league competition.
As you can see, not only does Matt have a better overall record, more points per game, and a higher average overall finish, but he has also placed in the top three a staggering four times, dwarfing the three by Adam.
Now, let us examine the head to head results over the same time span. The below table shows in each league, the result of each time Matt and Adam have played each other.
As you can see, in 2003, Yahoo fantasy information is unavailable. Lucky for Adam that this was absolutely the worst year in the history of Matthew Blinderís fantasy football career (which is actually better than 4 of the records Adam was able to amass throughout his less than meteoric career). In this year, Adam was lucky enough to have a record of 9-5 and finish 2nd in the league, while Matt had a record of 5-9, finishing last in the league.
In this year there were only 6 teams and 14 games played. This means that everyone will match up with everyone else in the league 3 times except for playing one team twice. Considering this, it is most likely that Adam and I faced off three times.
Adam must have at least one win against Matt in this year as Matt had a 5 game losing streak to end the season, meaning he lost to everyone once during that 5 game span. However, given the unquestionable superiority over Adam in all other instances, and the fact that Matt did have 5 wins, and the small size of the league, it is safe to assume that at least one victory was against Adam. If we only take into account the historical winning percentage for all other years, it would be safe to assume 2 victories against him in this year. We can safely assume that Adam did not beat me three times in one year by the fact that I am still alive, as I would have had to kill myself if I were ever disgraced in such a way.
Not taking 2003 into account, Mattís overall record against Adam is 9-3. Taking 2003 into account, we can safely assume that Mattís overall record against Adam stands at 10-5 or even 11-4. When taking into account the large discrepancy in average points scored head to head, it is very clear that Matt has emerged as, yet always was, the superior being.
For those of you who are accountants, anyone who may think that this analysis is skewed due to my hatred of Adam Paberzs, or Adam Paberzs himself (who thinks that none of this is true because his life is a continuous delusion of grandeur, as he tries to convince himself that he is better than me at anything), I have attached the auditable data below.